||Current Music|| The Day you Went Away (M2M)
His mom called me on the phone. Usually, I would tell him straight away,complaining away. But this time it's different. I have the idea drilled into my head that he don't love me anymore, so if I were to tell it to him, he'd probably think that the best way is to cut off all contacts, which is something I do not want to. Then why is my mind giving me the idea that he ended it off with me is partially because of his mother? I'm confused. Why is he talking to me for hours usually through the midnight? Usually that's the time when we can both talk because the whole of our family is asleep, and using the computer at this hour is totally odd, just basically shows that we have no life. Besides, talking on the phone and the bed is a comfortable combination. But why? I'm hoping that we can go watch Harry Potter today. Main reason was because I really really want to watch the movie, and yet I can't find anyone. Plus, he told me that he wanted to watch it again.
I realised that I don't care even if we still remain in such a way of contact if we were back together, I don't think I would care as long as I know that I'm in his heart *sigh*. And I brought up about the point where how we could have been together earlier without getting into trouble with parents (well he kinda won me over the other guy, practically clinging onto me while I was attached with someone else. In some weird way, he won my heart, so I dumped the other guy for him. Kinda stupid actually, but oh well, love is blind.) And his response was "Oh yea... that's true." He actually thought about it. And then we were talking about the happy times we had when we were together and he suddenly just decided to cut it off, but why? What's wrong with talking about the happy times? He uses the words "when we first started" but he didn't use "when we were together". He asked me to move on, to get over it, but has it? Why does it seem that he's still clinging onto the love we had? When his mother called me, as usual, to warn me to stay away from her son, I felt that things were back at before, there was the urge that asked me to report right away, to tell him what his mother had done. I guess I'm just afraid to lose him, but I shouldn't let him know.
He's confusing me anyway, telling me that we are just friends, but yet he still cares, in some way. I don't know. He's been going around flirting and trying to date girls, while telling me that he doesnt want to date. And that he doubt he'd be able to find another girl to like. We have so much in common, the things we talk about still revolves around what we would talk about before. But why did this end? He said our personality clashes, but I don't think so. I'm not sure anyway, how did it clash? Our interests totally linked, well almost, and it's as though we have every wingle thing under the sun to talk about. But to think about it again, religion wise is a huge chunk off similiarites, and that he play computer games and I don't. That when we are online, we argue and quarrel over some stupid RPG battle. Or sometimes that we are on the phone and one side of our parents didn't like it and we got mad at each other because of our anger within us. It just so happens that we are on the phone so we just throw our temper onto each other. Is it really things that went wrong entirely between us, or is it that people around us didn't support us, didn't approve of it, and nag at us day in day out to be apart? Doesn't his mother know that we aren't together anymore? Didn't he tell her that? If so, then why does she still think that we are together? Is it really the things we do? Still contacting each other every day? But can he really live without me? If he could, why does he say "I'll call you and talk about it" instead of "Anything else important just ring me on my cell" And we talked till almost 5 am, till his mom woke up for some reason and he had to hang up before war starts. Is that the real reason? I wish it was, and that he would tell me "I love you, but we can't be together right now, please, wait for me." Why can't he tell me that? Is it really because he doesn't love me anymore? But he's like a child who's trying to grow up 10 years in a day. How did I manage to fall in love with such a child?
Jessie xXx
He's confusing me anyway, telling me that we are just friends, but yet he still cares, in some way. I don't know. He's been going around flirting and trying to date girls, while telling me that he doesnt want to date. And that he doubt he'd be able to find another girl to like. We have so much in common, the things we talk about still revolves around what we would talk about before. But why did this end? He said our personality clashes, but I don't think so. I'm not sure anyway, how did it clash? Our interests totally linked, well almost, and it's as though we have every wingle thing under the sun to talk about. But to think about it again, religion wise is a huge chunk off similiarites, and that he play computer games and I don't. That when we are online, we argue and quarrel over some stupid RPG battle. Or sometimes that we are on the phone and one side of our parents didn't like it and we got mad at each other because of our anger within us. It just so happens that we are on the phone so we just throw our temper onto each other. Is it really things that went wrong entirely between us, or is it that people around us didn't support us, didn't approve of it, and nag at us day in day out to be apart? Doesn't his mother know that we aren't together anymore? Didn't he tell her that? If so, then why does she still think that we are together? Is it really the things we do? Still contacting each other every day? But can he really live without me? If he could, why does he say "I'll call you and talk about it" instead of "Anything else important just ring me on my cell" And we talked till almost 5 am, till his mom woke up for some reason and he had to hang up before war starts. Is that the real reason? I wish it was, and that he would tell me "I love you, but we can't be together right now, please, wait for me." Why can't he tell me that? Is it really because he doesn't love me anymore? But he's like a child who's trying to grow up 10 years in a day. How did I manage to fall in love with such a child?
Jessie xXx