*sigh* Well let's see. I've been listening to that Corrs CD Borrowed Heaven over and over again. And I guess I'm definitely bringing my discman there tomorrow for that stupid volunteer thing I wish I didn't have signed up. =S Geez. Well after listening to it so many times, I find it interesting because there's songs that remind me of people around me. =D Now lemme quote...

"She lived like she knew nothing lasts
Didn't care to look like anyone else

I hate him I hate him I hate him. I mean, he can just ask me out for a movie because he had a bad dream, kiss me, hug me and do the things couples do, practically making out with me in the theatre, and the next day, he just dumps me aside like nothing happened? What is this? He should win an award if he were to have the career as an actor. Definitely.

"I backed off when Sandra kissed me because it didn't feel right." Then why did that stupid asshole kiss me? Did it feel right? It felt so right to drag me across the cushioned chair to make me wrap my arms around him because he had to do that? He had to french kiss me because he never done it before? He had to hug me and he had to put his hands into my shirt and make his way upwards? Geez! What kind of crap is that?

Juls is right. Dude, he's using me and I don't even realise it. Thank God I have friends like Julie and Marion. At least they could wake me up. Yes, if he doesn't want to come out in the rain for me, what kind of guy is that? I don't know. He used to love me, right. Used to. But hey, look, he felt right kissing me and not Sandra? Not right? Because of age? that's bullshit. I guess he does still like me, deep down but that asshole is just too stupid to see that. Oh c'mon, he stupidly kissed me? Because he had to? Oh and part of him wants to but he can't explain it. Please, someone tell me that it's a joke.

"Who are you going out with? some girl?" That was jokingly asking a friend, teasing. And what's his reply "Like it's any of your business" What the f*ck is his problem? Yes Julie, I don't think I want this boy anymore. He sucks for goodness sake. I don't even have to hate him, I've got Alicia to do that for me. Geez... I hate him damnit. He'd better get his butt out and we have to settle this once and for all. I can't believe that he was actually Dan. Oh C'mon Penny, are we that blind? maybe yes. And I can't believe that Gwen actually set us up. Well she didn't mean to. But dude, he's so.....argghh.... Never mind.

I realised that I don't care even if we still remain in such a way of contact if we were back together, I don't think I would care as long as I know that I'm in his heart *sigh*. And I brought up about the point where how we could have been together earlier without getting into trouble with parents (well he kinda won me over the other guy, practically clinging onto me while I was attached with someone else. In some weird way, he won my heart, so I dumped the other guy for him. Kinda stupid actually, but oh well, love is blind.) And his response was "Oh yea... that's true." He actually thought about it. And then we were talking about the happy times we had when we were together and he suddenly just decided to cut it off, but why? What's wrong with talking about the happy times? He uses the words "when we first started" but he didn't use "when we were together". He asked me to move on, to get over it, but has it? Why does it seem that he's still clinging onto the love we had? When his mother called me, as usual, to warn me to stay away from her son, I felt that things were back at before, there was the urge that asked me to report right away, to tell him what his mother had done. I guess I'm just afraid to lose him, but I shouldn't let him know.

He's confusing me anyway, telling me that we are just friends, but yet he still cares, in some way. I don't know. He's been going around flirting and trying to date girls, while telling me that he doesnt want to date. And that he doubt he'd be able to find another girl to like. We have so much in common, the things we talk about still revolves around what we would talk about before. But why did this end? He said our personality clashes, but I don't think so. I'm not sure anyway, how did it clash? Our interests totally linked, well almost, and it's as though we have every wingle thing under the sun to talk about. But to think about it again, religion wise is a huge chunk off similiarites, and that he play computer games and I don't. That when we are online, we argue and quarrel over some stupid RPG battle. Or sometimes that we are on the phone and one side of our parents didn't like it and we got mad at each other because of our anger within us. It just so happens that we are on the phone so we just throw our temper onto each other. Is it really things that went wrong entirely between us, or is it that people around us didn't support us, didn't approve of it, and nag at us day in day out to be apart? Doesn't his mother know that we aren't together anymore? Didn't he tell her that? If so, then why does she still think that we are together? Is it really the things we do? Still contacting each other every day? But can he really live without me? If he could, why does he say "I'll call you and talk about it" instead of "Anything else important just ring me on my cell" And we talked till almost 5 am, till his mom woke up for some reason and he had to hang up before war starts. Is that the real reason? I wish it was, and that he would tell me "I love you, but we can't be together right now, please, wait for me." Why can't he tell me that? Is it really because he doesn't love me anymore? But he's like a child who's trying to grow up 10 years in a day. How did I manage to fall in love with such a child?



Jessie xXx

||Current Music|| I Believe (Tata Young)

What does he want? Really? I don't know. Perhaps I was just there and he needed someone to confide in. But he had told soo many friends about it already, and why did he ask ME for advice? Right, I forgot. I was the ONLY one who told him that he's not desperate. He said he didn't need a replacement and he isn't desperate. Then why isn't he taking a break from looking for relationships like any normal person would do when they just break up. Especially is when they are the ones who wanted the breakup. Then why is he telling me that if some girl came along and is of his age, is pretty and matches his personality, he'd go for it? And talk about kissing. Kissing girls around? Right, definitely NOT a desperate act. And trying to get a girl out for tea when he just met her through a friend for a day isn't desperate? Sure thing. So if you found someone who is pretty and you think that personality matches, but if your interests clashes, good luck buddy.And yea, go look for a girl who can stand your mom's critisizm, can stand having you playing games all day all night, even when your brother is on the game and not you. And if you found one, let me know about it. All I can tell you is that I might not know if our personality matches, but our interests are definitely the same. So yea.

Now who can I ask to watch Harry Potter with? I don't know. My stupid little brother doesn't want to =S I don't want to be left with that dude again! You know I can't watch movies alone. *sigh* Perhaps I'd just ask another friend of mine,hoping that she will go watch it with me (A)

Ms Universe is on TV. I have nothing to say about Ms Singapore though, don't ask me why. Lol..but their gowns are so pretty! Ö *sigh* If only I'm slim and tall enough to wear that. Yes, tall enough indeed =/ Lol...

Going to crash the kbox tomorrow. That's definitely *sigh* I can't sing! Maybe I should learn some tips from M2M. =D hehe...or Britney. =/ I wonder what songs do they have there. Well guess I'd have to find out for myself. I'm hoping perhaps there's some Josh Groban songs so that I can go all spanish and even if I mispronounce anything, no one would know. Well hopefully no one would. =D I'm just sooo in love with espaņol. Don't ask me why. But I'm glad I'm going to be taking it when school starts! *dances* Can't wait can't wait! Guess that'd be the new reason why I'm going to school. Plus, I'm probably joining the Astronomy group. Or maybe some Chemistry/Life Science club as a CCA. Gah, hope we can have more than one. Besides, I don't need band. I have my secondary school band to go to. And joining another band without my band mates won't be as fun. Plus, I want to try something different.Gah..I'm rambling. But what the heck, it is my blog isn't it? =P Oh well...


Jessie xXx

Laws of Attraction seems nice though, but there isnt anyone to watch with me. And definitely going for "Eternal Sunshine" I can't believe Kate Winslet had her hair in blue in the beginning, then later she had it dyed totally bright red! Marion is going to be sooo obsessed with her hair (A)

Almost watched a movie today, but gah..I'm getting poorer. Tomorrow's the big day, to watch my Secondary School band perform! Woots! Gonna show my face at Suntec City *giggles*

:: scans through Leia's bloggie ::

Hurmph... well glad you have a great beday girlie =D I need a header... *chants* A header a header. Dear sweet Jason is going to do up my LJ for me! So it won't look like shiz for any longer. Such a sweetie isn't he? And the recent boards that I joined, the avatars are horrendous so I had to upload my own picture, I was so tempted to put up either Steven's or Kris's pictures...argh.

Lemme name the number of movies I want to watch... "Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azcaban(sp?)", "Day After Tomorrow" Singapore has a very stupid system of putting up posters of certain movies and never show them. I never saw "One hour Photo" and "Secret Window". And they had "The Jersey Girl" poster up in cinemas, again, no such show. Hopefully they'd come out real soon. Which anyway, I've watched Troy. It's woooonderful. Saw my friend with a HUGE Troy poster today *jealous* She won it in some contest~~ lol...  Wait..why do I feel like I'm posting in the boards? =S

:: Picks up a mirror, tosses it at Jess and blows it up in front of her face. ::

Gah... can you actually believe that a guy took a toy monkey around everywhere he goes? Haha... my form teacher for my current class is sooo cute. =S lol..well not cute in looks but he's funny. We were using our cellphones outside the stadium and he was mumbling something about us not behaving properly. I was like "C'mon dude, we're out of school." and I was holding on to that stupid filthy stuffed toy monkey while on the phone with my ex-bfriend(he called to reply to my text coz his phone wont let him reply. lol) and shove it into my teacher's hand and said "There, a gift for you." and walk away. He's really really sarcastic which surprises me that I actually find it fun to talk to him. I was critisizing about his clothes and hairstyle making him look like another teacher in the school, he was bugging me to tell and I said "If you see a mirror in front of you, that's probably the guy I'm talking about." Then he said "It's no fun talking to you." But of course, he refrained himself from pouting. It was sooo funny! Pity I missed the lessons by him. He teachers Geography, which amazingly placed my immediate interest in the subject. Chemistry teacher wasn't that good, I'm not as interested anymore *shrug* But my love is still in science. Just found a new love -- Geography. It's fun being a Geologist and stuff. You know, other stuff like Marine Biologist, my dream job? lol...now I'd probably having to go to the path of psychology considering the course that I'm taking so oh well *shrug* I guess it's alright because I'm rather interested in it as well *nod*

I can't wait for the school holidays to start. I can have all the time in the world without worrying about anything. Perhaps I'd go back to painting, hoping that my paints arent dry and I'm still able to find my paint brush. And plus, I'd be able to volunteer at the Science Centre as an assistant researcher. Cool eh? *brows* Fun fun fun... =D

*sigh* I guess I still miss him. I won't mind having him back but oh well... *sniffle*